Sunday, June 26th, 2011 | Author:

I have to get this out, somewhere, and I need to do it somewhere that the people in question will most likely never see it, so forgive me if it’s rambling and makes no sense.

Some of you know that I have a group of cyber-peeps, women that I’ve been posting with since we were pregnant with our (now) 10 year olds.  There are still about 35 active and 20 semi-active members from the original group.  We’ve been through some shit together in the past 11 years.  We’ve had multiple IRL gatherings.  My bestie came out of this group – when we were deciding where to live when DH retired, I only considered cities where someone from this group lived.

And now, one of our moms has learned, like days ago, that her husband has stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

Stage 4.

Y’all know that pancreatic cancer is not curable.  It’s spread to his lungs and liver, and he’s been given less than a year to live.

This couple has been together for ~15 years, and I swear to you, they STILL act like newlyweds.  They look at each other with such undisguised delight when the other enters the room, and they rely on each other for unconditional emotional support.  They have 3 kids together (ages 8, 10, 13), he has one from a previous relationship (19).  He’s a high school gym coach, she’s a librarian.  He’s a teacher.  I don’t know how that works … I don’t think he has ‘tenure’ or if they even do that in his state’s school system, so I don’t know what his status is.

I have totally been battling tears for almost two weeks now, since the initial diagnosis, and since she posted the official diagnosis Friday, I have been a blubbering mess.

All he wants to do is take his kids to Disney World before he gets too sick.

Less than a year to live.

Holy shit, I cannot even imagine.  I just can’t.  I can’t imagine being him, and I can’t fathom being her.  Losing the rock in my life, losing the father of my children.  Having to tell my kids that their father will soon get very, very sick, and then will die.

Die.

See how disjointed this post is?  That’s been my thought process since I heard the news.

I put out the word to my fellow mommies, and so far we have pulled together about $2300 to help send them to Disney.  It’s not enough to cover the trip.  And while I know that we have done a remarkable job gathering funds, I feel totally guilty for pulling together enough to cover the trip for them.  I know that’s not a reasonable emotion but I can’t seem to stop it.

I really can’t come up with a good way to close this post, so I’ll just …. close.  And go hug the people in my life.

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Category: General
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2 Responses

  1. 1
    Brenda 

    I was doing so good today controlling the tears and you brought them to me again. I can’t believe the total is that high….it just makes me so proud of us as a group. So many don’t understand our group but I’m so glad we have each other. Love ya Pam!

  2. 2
    Jody 

    I’ve been on this same roller coaster myself and then my dad on top of it has put me teetering on the edge. I wish I could do more for her and as a person that is in another country and 5000 miles away I just struggle with not being able to do anything physically beside her.